sweetness follows

Yesterday I clicked over to Sarcasmo’s Corner because I hadn’t visited it in quite a while, even though I’m a big fan of mooching fun/geeky links from there. And then I found out Star Foster, aka Sarcasmo, had passed away suddenly last month. I spent a good half hour tracking down more information because it seemed so unreal.

How is it that the death of a complete stranger can affect me as much as it did? I don’t know, but I didn’t have to know her in person to be shocked at the loss of someone young, funny, talented, and vibrant, who clearly had lived a fun, interesting, colorful life and was missed by many. It was incredibly sobering news.

Her blog was one of the first I started reading about the time I started blogging. I think I had googled something like “breakup blog” and found her personal blog (which isn’t there anymore) detailing her experiences of her divorce. Reading it made me realize that of course, people all over the world were going through similar experience of sadness and loss after the death of a relationship, and that they can do it with grace and humor. It inspired me to start my old blog.

After I felt sadness and sympathy for her family and friends, the pretty normal process kicked in and it became all about me and that universal, jolting awareness of the fragility of life and one of those “am I living my life to the fullest” conversations that went on inside my head for the rest of the day. I think of all the new and fun things I want to do but feel I have to wait until I’m done serving my time in school first and how it’s hard to put up with school dominating my life when I know there’s so much to life and so much I’d rather be doing.

But I realized that I can still make the most out of every day even as I toil away at school. Life is too precious to just feel like I’m killing some time until life gets more interesting.

And I thought of how unbearably awful it would be to lose Husband to Be or a family member or friend. I had a crazy impulse to call/email everyone I love just to say “Just in case something were to happen to either one of us, I want you to know how important you are to me!” Why does it always take something terrible happening for us to feel that impulse?

It's the beginning of a new year and I aspire to live my life a little more like Star did, with a little more zaniness and color, and to live and write more meaningfully.