when you can't find the hours

days keep on slipping through
avenues under construction
blocking out your sky blues…

oh these days, seem dark
darkest i've seen
darling you send me through the hours
days keep on sifting through
-calexico

Maybe I need a blog macro along the lines of “Busy and stressed” because it seems like that covers just about most of my life these days. I was telling Husband to Be the other day that it surprises me how high the divorce rate is when you would think the wedding planning process would weed out anyone who’s not really serious about getting married.

Even though I should be inured to it by now, I still feel shock at expensive every tiny thing is. Worrying about our budget, worrying about logistics and if various important people will be able to make it, dealing with vendors who all operate on “island time”, and doing and worry about everything from such a great distance – it’s enough to drive anyone bonkers.

If it were just wedding planning going on, I might bitch about it but we could deal with it. But combined with the stress of dealing with school and wondering how the hell I’m going to graduate and how we’re both needing to find jobs and be ready to move by the end of June (two days after we get back from our honeymoon), when our lease is up, I feel a nearly intolerable weight pushing down on me. We’d really like to have more time here but because we were so impatient to move in together last summer, we unknowingly screwed our future selves.

I feel like I’m swimming in glue. I keep hoping the stress will get dialed down a bit and I’ll just suck it up and deal, but it’s really damn hard. I know how incredibly happy we’ll be when we get married and when I graduate and when we take off for parts unknown for new adventures, but somehow it feels unfair to have this several month long trial by fire first. How about a damn happy medium?

In the meantime, HTB and I make sure to keep our senses of humor intact and to appreciate the occasional things that go smoothly, like finding HTB’s suit for the wedding at a really great price at a Banana Republic outlet store. I take every bit of pleasure I can in good times with friends, because I am going to miss the absurdist humor, the shared jokes, and the stories I’ve heard so many times.

And lunch from the new Sonic (chicken club toaster sandwich, cheese tots, and a large lemon berry slush)? Good for the soul.