one small year

The very beginning of 2006 found me a little angsty and sad. Amidst some Sturm and Drang, I deleted my old blog and two people I had been fond of, a friend and my ex-boyfriend, turned on me in the most juvenile, classless way possible. I was angry, hurt, and incredibly disappointed in both them and my poor judgment of character. I felt stupid for having thought highly of a friend who was unable to follow one of the simplest of the cardinal rules of friendship – don’t talk shit about friends and don’t egg others on when they are. The fact that she couldn’t acknowledge that she had been a crappy friend and instead, spun it as me being a drama queen, further highlights her complete lack of character.

Same goes for the ex, who’s like a handsome face with a too soft chin – not a bad guy, just a weak one. Either to friends or on the blog, I had never had a bad word to say about him. He was a nice guy, we just didn’t work out, and the breakup was for the best. End of story.

He told me he wanted to be friends, we occasionally emailed on polite and even cordial terms, and yet suddenly, well over a year after a fairly non-ugly breakup, there’s an online hate-fest going on in his website’s forums and ugly traffic gushing into the blog. He wasn’t actively partaking but he wasn’t doing anything to tamp it down either. Seriously textbook passive-aggressive shit.

It was only after some time and space that I stopped being angry at him and started feeling sorry for him, because it was crystal clear that he was not over me. Had he fully moved on with his life, were his new relationship with my bitch of an ex-friend good enough, neither he nor his cadre of flying monkeys would have given a shit about my blog or what was going on in my life.

Even though the attention was negative, it was still attention. It made me significant, when by all rights I should have been no longer on anyone’s radar. And then on this blog, when some of the old traffic came trickling in, I wondered again, why were they here?

Even now, when I see the hometown hits, like clockwork, with a dark sense of satisfaction, I think, “Guess who still gives a damn.”

Aside from that, I was feeling some growing pains in the relationship with Husband to Be, as I negotiated closeness-distance issues and started feeling the pang of wishing we came home to the same place every night and friends first started asking me if this was It and if and when he might propose.

Which he did, three months later. Two months after that we moved in together and then a little after that, started planning our wedding.

And now I can laugh at the little worries and insecurities of last year and still feel amazed and grateful for the rock-solid security I feel with him and in our life together.

I think about how far we’ve all come. One friend got engaged yesterday and another of my favorite people, well, I won’t be surprised if hers is coming in the very near future. The three of us all came into school dating the one before the One and it makes me smile to see how things have changed and how our futures are shaping up the way they have.

For all its ups and downs, it was a good year.

a long december

Whew, it’s already the last day of 2006. We had a really lovely Christmas with Husband to Be’s family, a very Norman Rockwell holiday, in the nicest way possible. Lots of food, lots of kids, lots of loot. His parents totally spoil us. Mild weather, instead of snow, which was a little disappointing, but it was nice not to be freezing.

Lemon-berry slush and cheesy tater tots at Sonic on the way home, and then our private gift exchange.

Except for one tiring trip to the crowded mall to return gifts and check out a few post-Christmas sales, it’s been a very relaxing end of the year, with more eating, drinks with friends, watching football (where one of my alma maters beat the other), starting off the day right with some Animaniacs, and trying out friend M’s latest obsession, Guitar Hero. One friend’s gotten his post-school job all lined up, and another just got engaged, so good news all around.

The holidays and being sick have taken a little toll on my energy level, so I’m summoning together all my energy for tonight’s party, which promises to be big and boisterous. We’re throwing sleeping bags in our car in case we need to spend the night, and that’s always a good sign.

Some end of year thoughts later.

and away we go

Being sick has really just sucked up the entire week, laying me low, which meant no work and no exercise and never getting a chance to meet with my advisor. Mostly I’ve been resting, dragging myself out of the house to run Christmas errands, and then crashing, and eating ravenously. Haven’t had any chicken soup yet, but a big steaming bowl of pho the other night was just as good. Spaghetti and meatballs (I couldn’t believe my ears when Husband to Be told me he had never read or heard of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Sacrilege.) and lots of roasted garlic on bread and last night, at HTB’s office holiday party, we had Ethiopian food and gelato. Yum.

I’ve decided that maybe instead of boring old wedding cake, we should have cupcakes and gelato. Fun and tasty.

It’s been a wet, foggy, feverish week, but I don’t care, because in about an hour we’re taking off, with a car packed full of gifts and wine and books and knitting needles, and headed for some serious rest and relaxation. We are both badly in need of a vacation and I know we’re in for a good time with HTB’s family.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas.

christmas giving

Just a quickie, wanted to plug a charity I just heard about from Alton the other day, Heifer International. No, he didn't tell me personally, he was on TV, and yes, I'd do just about anything Alton suggested (latest lessons - plastic cookie cutters are better than metal. Lift the cookie dough still with cutter attached onto cookie sheet before removing cutter.) I really like that you get to buy something specific with your donation, like sheep or bunnies or trees, rather than not knowing where your money goes. And that the point is you're helping people to help themselves. Besides, how often do you get to tell people you gave someone a llama for Christmas?

Also, via Kimchi Mamas, whenever you search for anything red on thefind.com, they donate a buck to Doctors without Borders. At Kimchi Mamas there's also a donation opportunity for the Asian Pacific Women's Center, a shelter for Asian women and children. You could say that hits a little close to home for me.

And finally, my daily favorites (they're free!) are the Hunger Site and the related literacy, animal shelter, breast cancer, and rainforest sites. One click a day and the ad sponsors donate money.

Ok, back to nursing my cold.

hearth and home

My body is definitely giving me a talking-to about working full steam. I’m feeling seriously run down and coming down with a cold and there are still a million things that need to be done for school and for the holidays. Husband to Be’s stocking stuffers aren’t going to buy and wrap themselves, nor is the prospectus going to revise itself. And I had this wacky idea that I’ll have time to make cookies and/or peanut brittle before we leave town. This will only happen if I can be well enough to do more than sit on the couch, watch bad TV, and snack a lot.

Today’s T-minus six months to the wedding, which is a magically stressful number for me. I feel like as soon as we’re through the holidays, we really gotta get crackin’ on all things wedding related. Six months, people!

I’ve discovered that nothing is better on a sore throat than a chocolate milkshake from Steak N’ Shake. I’ve started drinking more hot tea. And I’m going to take up knitting over Christmas. Clearly, I’m getting old.

We took a day trip to the German colonies nearby and acquired lots of good things, like cute ornaments, dessert wines to drink and gift, homemade fudge, and the best gingerbread men I’ve ever had.

I am too sickly to be scintillating so it’s time to watch either Good Eats or pop in Love Actually and wrap presents and later curl up with some cocoa and gingerbread.

tropical contact high

I'm tired and buried in grading but I don't care. Our honeymoon is booked! Squee!! Three nights here and four nights here. I CANNOT wait. It is going to be amazing.

not enough swearin' and screwin'*

No time to blog, Dr. Jones. It's end of semester crunch time and I'm busy, exhausted, and spread thin. Today was a long, hectic day but I perked up as soon as I pulled into the parking lot because I could see the glow of the white twinkle lights on our deck and the sparkle of our tree. Stress and sadness be damned, the love that awaits me at home is all that matters.

Excited that our honeymoon is soon to be booked.

Horrified that "simotaniously" is what passes for "simultaneously" according to one student.

This is hawesome (via Malnurtured Snay).

Rosie O'Donnell sucks.

*To explain this title would involve multiple levels of geekiness, but I will if pressed.

marsh the darsh!

Mmm, brownies (Mmm’Fashnik.) Snacks are good for me, really. It’s never a good idea to go to happy hour with an empty stomach ‘cause those strawberry margaritas are hella potent.

Our tree has been rescued from the tree lot and is happily bedecked, although getting it into the tree stand took a lot of cursing and some tree trunk mutilation. Husband to Be has shown great restraint in not putting all fifty (I probably exaggerate, but not by much) of his Star Wars ornaments on the tree.

I got a phone call today from someone informing me that HTB and I had won a cruise to the Bahamas. All we have to do is come to a one-hour presentation. Hmm, this sounds familiar somehow... Lol. I was totally having flashbacks while the woman was yakking away at me.

Off to an evening of booze, buffalo wings, and board games.

chop wood and carry water

It is motherscratchin' cold out today. A warm cup of chai makes it barely tolerable. I'm holed up in my office listening to the Damnwells and sorting through heaps of class related paperwork. Only one more semester of teaching. Ever. I keep reminding myself of that.

It was a good weekend. We drove to the next city over and got some fairly decent BBQ and had a registerpalooza at Bed Bath and Beyond. Fun but exhausting. Someone totally monopolized the scanner. Bowling and pizza with friends, then home to make brownies and mulled wine and curl up on the couch listening to Ben Folds and Ray LaMontagne on Austin City Limits and enjoying the glow of Christmas lights. We holed up for most of Sunday because when weather.com tells me the "feels like" temperature outside is 6, I'm not going anywhere.

Wedding related nonsense - why is it so damn hard to find the perfect pair of wedding shoes? I haven't been able to decide on whether or not to get glorified flip flops or a peeptoe D'orsay pump, which I love the look of. I tried on some dyeable ones at David's Bridal because I love the idea of getting them in emerald green. But not too surprisingly, the shoes were flimsy as all get out, they felt like they were made out of cardboard. Both pairs of silver sandals I ordered were no-goes, I just bought a pair of cute green flip flops, hope those will be It.

Husband to Be and I are trying to figure out how and what we want to eat at the reception. Trying to balance what we would want most versus pleasing the masses is not easy. Family style or buffet would be more fun and informal but I've had a lot of mediocre buffet and family style wedding food. Plus, how do we incorporate tater tots into the meal? No chance of getting a funnel cake machine, is there?

Contemplating getting a DJ instead of hooking up our iPod. Shopping around for petals for the aisle and for tossing. Freeze dried or fresh? Color? Type? I continue to be bemused by the endless stream of minutiae that have to be dealt with.

Can't wait to go get our tree tonight!